I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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