you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
