I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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