I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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