I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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