i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
