if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
