I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
