I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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