I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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