My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
