But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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