Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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