is your mom at the bar?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
