Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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