Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
