Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
