lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
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Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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