your thong is hanging out like whoa
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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