It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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