Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
being pregnant is like rehab
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
