your parents love me but you hate me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i've created a new STD.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
