I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
