I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
