Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
