She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
