I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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