So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
