apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
