By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
