you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
