I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
