we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
