I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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