no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
