I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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