So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
