Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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