I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
