oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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