I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
