i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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