you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
