I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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