don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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