sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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