1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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