Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
