I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I met the friendliest cop last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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