Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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