just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
