The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Are we still banned from the library?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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