im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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