i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't deserve a penis
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
