my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
