YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
