something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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