Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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