What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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