Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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