you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
